“The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.” – Willie Jolley
So many people are stuck in the past. That kills their ability to be productive in the present. And robs them of making plans for the future.
The past is gone forever, but until you let go of it, the past is a thief and steals your ability to dream and imagine. You need to spend time thinking about your future because that’s where you’re heading. You must also stay connected to the present because that’s how you build a better future.
I grew up in inner-city Flint, MI. The son of a handyman dad, and a certified nursing assistant mom. This time of year in preparation for Christmas, our gifts were part of the layaway program at Kmart(my 90’s kid friends will relate to that). I get one new pair of shoes per year. It was my duty to make those suckers last! We went out to eat once every couple of weeks when my mom got her paycheck. I used to lie about where we lived and tell other kids in school that we lived in the nice college neighborhood where me and my dad used to mow lawns. I could go on to tell you a hundred more stories about my upbringing. I don’t say this because I’m looking for any sort of sympathy. Or to share some “from the ghetto to success” story. I tell you this because every single odd was against me from my childhood to adulthood that success would never be a virtue. EVERY. Single. Odd.
I could make every excuse as to how my parents never set me up for success. Or, I could say it this way. Maybe they did! I knew from the minute I moved out of my parent’s home at 17 years old that I never wanted to live like they did! I never wanted to “just make it by”. When I got my first “real job”, at 23 years old I was already making more money than my parents ever did. It wasn’t because I worked harder than my parents. I know they worked their butts off to provide what they did for me and my sisters. But they just settled for whatever value the world put on them. They never knew anything beyond the life they lived.
The scary thing about not coming from much, is that it doesn’t take much for you to feel like you’ve made it in life. And this can cripple any sort of significance if you use your past as a meter gauge as to how you are doing today! This can put a major lid on your growth potential.
It drives me CRAZY when I see so many people stuck in a loop of how their lives could be different today. “If only” that one big thing had been different! “If only” my parents would have shown me success from just “getting by”! “If only” I would’ve gone to college! “If Only, If Only, If Only”
This isn’t to say you shouldn’t address the trauma of your past. You must find a way to process it and move forward. If you can’t, the only person you’re hurting is YOU and the people you care about and those under your charge!
Conversely, don’t fall into the trap of falling in love with your past if you’ve had great things happen. Past successes are nice, and they most likely got you to where you are, but if you rest on those wins too much, you’re still not living in the present and building a better future.
“Your past does not equal your future.” – Tony Robbins
If you feel like you’ve found yourself being part of the “if only” club, here are a few takeaways for you to consider.
1. Let Go of the Past to Unlock Your Future – The past is gone, and while it shapes who we are, it shouldn’t define who we become. Holding onto past failures or even past successes can paralyze you in the present. To build a better future, you must release the hold the past has on you. By letting go of past regrets or triumphs, you free yourself to dream, plan, and take action toward a brighter tomorrow.
2. Be Present to Build the Future You Want – While it’s important to dream about the future, you can’t neglect the present moment. The decisions you make today—what you focus on, what you choose to invest your time and energy in—are what will shape your future. If you want a successful, fulfilled life, start making small, decisive actions now. Don’t wait for the “perfect” moment to act; the best time is always now.
3. Process Your Past but Don’t Dwell on It – Addressing trauma and past struggles is crucial, but don’t let them hold you captive. Whether it’s from your upbringing, missed opportunities, or past failures, confront it, learn from it, and then move the heck on. The longer you hold on to those negative experiences, the more they rob you of the power to create the future you want. Similarly, don’t get too comfortable with past successes—continue striving forward, because the best years are yet to come.
Spend time dreaming and imagining about your future while taking decisive actions in the present moments to shape what lies ahead!
Remember this my amigos, the life you will live 5/10/15 years from now will be a result of the decisions you make TODAY! Not from what things have happened to you in the past. Live TODAY to the fullest – Your future you will appreciate it.