“If you feel anxiety or depression, you are not in the present. You are either anxiously projecting the future or depressed and stuck in the past. The only thing you have any control over is the present moment”― Tobe Hanson
It takes effort, self-awareness, and being fully present and in the moment to keep yourself grounded. This allows you to see circumstances clearly, and actively listen to both the spoken and unspoken feedback and insights you are receiving from others.
Full disclosure before we take a deep dive into this tad longer teaching. This teaching is being written from a place of vulnerability and also from a “work in progress” standpoint. This topic is something that is near and dear to my heart, and I myself am working to get better in this arena. What better way than to share this teaching, and we all get to hold each other accountable to get better as I know I’m not alone here. If this speaks to you, I wan’t to hear from you — Let’s talk!
Most of my days run at 100+ miles per hour. If I had to count the number of times a day I am pulled in a different direction, I couldn’t. It would be easier to break it down to the hour and the day and time! By the time I am sitting down and focusing on a particular task, the next person or thing to come at me is already taking shape in my head. This can make it difficult to be present in the very moment I’m in without focused intentionality on the person and / or task at hand.
I want to be vulnerable for a bit. The LAST thing I want to do is miss the things and the people that are the most important to me. With a personal mission to help others grow to the best versions of themselves, being present at my best for my family, my team, and anybody else who looks to me for guidance, can be overwhelming at times. It used to be a normal thing for me to pour it all out all day, and get home and have nothing left in the tank for my family. I knew this was not the way I wanted to lead, let alone live. I was not even close to being the best version of myself. Team members would want to speak to me and I’d give them a minute of the most distracted attention you could imagine… Looking right through them at the next thing in line. Even worse, I’d be at home and my kiddos would want me to play, or just to talk to them, and I’d be glued to sending out emails, or responding to messages at all hours of the evening. My wife would ask me something and my response would be something not even related to what she asked me! While I thought I was doing everything right, the root issue was that I was not making time for the most important things, so I was letting even the smallest of things dictate my time, energy, and schedule. I wasn’t being present for myself, so how in the heck was I going to be present for others? You can’t give away what you don’t have! Ok… Let’s get back to some growth here!
Being present means you are offering the other person or group you are engaging with your 100% undivided attention. You are not multitasking during a conversation. You are actively listening by offering your full self, both physically and mentally. Being present simply means you’re focused and engaged in the here and now, not distracted or mentally absent. Being present enables us to solve problems more effectively because we are free from distraction and stressors. It allows everything else to be silenced, leaving only you and whatever you’re dealing with at the moment. It doesn’t mean you don’t have things that you are worried or concerned about or things to do.
As leaders, we wear many hats and have lots of responsibilities in life – but the point is no matter how stressful your job or life becomes, the act of being present can change your life in profound, yet simple ways. If you want to truly engage with other human beings and create meaningful connections, we need to silence our inner voices and be fully present, and being more mindful is part of that. This requires discipline to stay on task and not let yourself be affected by nagging challenges or distracted by the mental chatter. It also requires skill to have the mental ability to stay laser focused and present in the moment you are in!
I know what you are thinking right now… “I have been living and leading this way far too long… Where do I start”? I thought you’d never ask. Here are (10) takeaways for you to “show up” being present more each and every day!
1. Engage – When somebody is talking to you, no matter what the environment is you are in, you look at them. Engage in the moment. Don’t look at your phone, computer, etc. Let them talk, listen to what they are saying, wait for them to finish, pause and think of your response, and THEN respond! I used to be guilty of literally finishing what others are saying / thinking in my mind before they even finish. When I say I’m a work in progress, this one is for sure at the top of my list for improvement!
2. Start your day with quiet focus time and don’t snooze the alarm – If you identify as a christian, there is no better way to start your day than by reading from the bible and spending quiet time with God. If you are not a christian, spending time in the quiet to meditate and reflect on your life is a powerful way to ensure you’re prioritizing, focusing, and relaxing your mindset for the day! Wake up and tell yourself “today, I’m going to show up for myself and for those that I’m called to lead”! If you snooze the alarm, only to finally awake just in enough time to rush out of the house and to work or to whatever task that needs you, you are giving yourself an excuse that before you even kick off the day “today, I’m not showing up at my best”! And if your day doesn’t start well, I can assure you it won’t end well.
3. Take care of your body – 30 minutes of exercise each and every day at a minimum should just be a part of what you commit to daily. In addition, keep an eye on what you are feeding your body. If you rely on sugar filled energy drinks and unhealthy carbohydrates to make your way through the day, it’s a sure-tell sign that something is not right with your health balance in life! If you are awake for 16 hours a day, there is no way that 30-45 minutes of health and wellness time won’t fit into your schedule. It’s just not a priority! I can assure you that doing this will actually give you MORE energy!
4. Get a good night’s rest – This can vary from person to person. There’s plenty of studies that say (8) hours should just be the norm. I find that for me, a solid 6.5 hours is the sweet spot!
5. Prioritize and schedule your day – If you don’t plan your day, other people will plan it for you. I live my week out of my calendar, and I’m very intentional with it. Right from scheduling my quiet time and exercise in the morning, through when I get home, all the way down to the days I allow myself to go out for lunch. This way once I am completing my day, I am fulfilled and in control of what I accomplished that day. Yes, distractions and adversities that require my time will happen… But they don’t get to control my day. I control them and when and how to handle them. And by limiting the people and things I will let take from my most precious resource, which is my time, I show up ready to win the day!
6. Put yourself in “time-out” mode – With constant emails, chats, endless tasks on the To-Do list, and fires to put out, taking breaks seems counterintuitive. But working right through lunch and forgoing all breaks does much more harm than good. Without breaking, the brain never gets time to rest and refresh, and opportunities to reflect and gain new insight are lost. Take time to check out at least once in the middle of the day, even if just for a few minutes!
7. Take time daily to reflect on the progress you’ve made and the tasks you’ve completed throughout the day – I love a checklist. When I can see progress made, it allows me to focus more on being present for the things I’m working on and the people that need me to be fully present in the moment!
8. Create a gratitude list of all of the positive things and the people that make up your life – This needs no explanation, but I’ll add some questions! What is your why? What is your personal mission? What are you doing to achieve your mission, live out your why, and what and who are you most grateful for day to day through the process?
9. Make time in your schedule to do things that are enjoyable to you outside of your work – Don’t go saying “well, I love to work”. I too love my job, very much. But how we spend our time and who we spend it with helps our leadership “batteries” get charged up. It’s important to plan fun things in your schedule… This is especially true if you are wired as a planner! Book that weekend trip with your family. Call a friend up and meet them for a meal one evening after work. Go fishing. Whatever it is that brings you joy, DO IT!
10. Every now and then, do something spontaneous – This one will be difficult for you planners – I get it! I can’t tell you how much joy it brings to stop, drop what we are doing, jump on our bikes and go get ice cream as a family! If you’re too focused on always planning everything, you’ll plan fun and memory making right out of your life! Don’t confuse this with #5 or #9. Part of prioritizing your day is making time for fun things with those that matter most. It’s when you are wasteful with your time that you’ll feel guilty for doing things like this. Therefore they won’t ever happen!
Did you know that 80% of employees would admit that they don’t trust their boss? With how distracted we can be all day, there is no wonder why they don’t! As a leader, it is your responsibility to create a safe space for people to share their honest perspectives, frustrations and vocalize their problems and opportunities. This one may sting, but how many children grow up to resent their parents because they felt that during their upbringing, their mom / dad was always engaged in everything else, and never truly present in the moment with them?
Being present is a liberating feeling, and if you have ever felt it, you are reading this and know exactly what I mean by “liberating”. You feel light, free, balanced, calm, and extremely focused in the moment. It is difficult to describe in words, as I believe the physical sensations may vary from person to person, but the point here is that you will think and operate at your best when you choose to be in the moment and present with others more!
Let’s land the plane with this… As I mentioned earlier, I’m a work in progress. I’m so far from where I’d like to be here. With personal growth being a priority for me, taking the time to prioritize my day and being there for the people that matter most to me is how I will continue to see growth in being more present. I know it can work for you too! Being very intentional with your time and mindful of the distractions is a great place to start to focus more on being present for those that matter most to you! Sometimes it is hard and I get distracted and might backslide a bit. And that’s okay, as it is not about being perfect. This life and our leadership is a journey, and being present for myself and for others is part of that journey so we can feel all the amazing emotions involved along the way!