“If your goals aren’t synced with the substance of your heart, then achieving them won’t matter much.” — Danielle LaPorte
When we are leaving for work in the morning, we don’t just leave our hearts at home. Our needs, emotions and desire to help others come with us. We set out each day to create an environment that welcomes people to be themselves in all their uniqueness and diversity, that gets to know our team members and their goals / aspirations, that supports them and pushes to be better today than they were yesterday, that trusts people to take on challenges and handle the problems we face.
So, what does leading with love look like? This gets easier if we as leaders foster a deep sense of wonder and curiosity, and become genuinely interested in our people. Listening deeply to what they are saying (and even more crucially: to what they are NOT saying), asking lots of questions, exploring their perspectives on situations from all angles.
Judging and blaming are easy and just as easily lead to disengagement and conflict. On the other hand, staying open and curious in conversations generates an environment where people feel heard, seen, and truly cared about. We are leading through times where fear is ever-present and ready to take the mic of our minds at any given moment. There was a time when I would sometimes let my leadership fears get the best of me. And when I would switch from leading with love, to leading with fear, I’d let fear’s voice dominate my decision making, and my purpose would lose focus. I’d struggle for energy, my steps would get a little timid, my actions and words would get off point, my judgment for situations would get impaired, and my progress to get things done would slow right the heck down.
Is this familiar to you? I’m guessing so, being the fact that you are human and all!
Remember this – No one is good at everything and everyone makes mistakes yet our natural tendency is to hide our failures and try to cover our weaknesses. In our more intimate relationships like with our spouses, immediate family, and closest friends, our biggest flaws are only too visible. Feeling accepted despite our shortcomings increases our own tolerance for the mistakes of others and builds our generosity for forgiving them. It’s no different in our organizations with our teams!
The key for leading with love is to nurture a culture where people feel safe enough to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is one of those qualities we first look for in others, but is the last thing we want to show ourselves. Isn’t that interesting to think about? Know this… Being vulnerable takes courage. We need to know that we can ask our team members for help when we are struggling and that we will be supported when things go wrong. Yes, we will get feedback and are expected to learn from it, but we will not be rejected for making a mistake!
Research shows that people who work in a culture where they feel free to express affection, tenderness, care, and compassion for one another are more satisfied with their jobs, committed to the mission/vision of the organization, and accountable for their performance!
As leaders, what does all of this mean? Let’s land the plane with this – At the root of it, it means that we intentionally seek out to build connections with those that are most different from ourselves, and that we model curiosity and wonder. When we’re leading with love, we embrace our own vulnerability, openly acknowledge our imperfections and shortcomings, and share how these allow us to learn and grow. And that we build a culture where the tough love discussions can happen that build ever deeper connections between us and our Teams!
Here is what I know — When I lead my team out of love and not fear, I am wiser, clearer headed, calmer, courageous, and bolder. I consider what love would do, act on that insight, and things just go better. The relationships are better. The conversations are better. Any conflicts are better. Our creativity is better. And at the end of the day, the end results are better!