“We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with” — Jim Rohn
When it comes to relationships, we are greatly influenced, whether we like it or want to admit it or not, by those closest to us. And a lot of times, we don’t even realized how influenced we are. Influence affects our way of thinking, our self-esteem, and our decisions. Of course everyone is their own person, but research has shown that we’re more affected by our environment than we think.
While it’s ideal to be closely surrounded by positive, supportive people who want you to succeed, it’s necessary to have people in your life that will tell you when you are doing something stupid. The bible says “Iron sharpens Iron”. The more successful you become in your leadership, the more and more criticism you’ll face. Trust me when I say this, without critics, you’d never sharpen your skills or develop tough skin! I’ll add this… The higher you get in your leadership, the more people will tell you what they think you want to hear. Not the necessary things we need to hear! And this can be a problem.
The same goes in our personal lives, we are an average of the (5) closest people we choose to spend our time with. Having the right peers will help you gain momentum and realize your vision. The moment you surround yourself with a peer, you can access new resources: the other person’s knowledge, experience, influence and potential. Or, they can be draining you of your resources, while making false deposits back to make you think you’re gaining, all the while you’re regressing. When you are already achieving at a highly effective level, you don’t gain a great increase by improving yourself because you can grow only a certain amount. Instead, you gain it by connecting with other capable people who bring something different to the table. You look at THE most successful organizations. Yes, of course the founder set out with a mission to achieve something of greatness. But right alongside of that person, you’ll see they had great people not just in the organization itself, but also in their personal lives too.
Here’s the key: You can’t partner with just anyone and expect to multiply your dreams of making a difference. You must be HIGHLY intentional. To be effective, make alliances with like-valued people. If you aren’t connecting with people who share your values, and can push you to new levels, you’ll never grow into the best version of yourself. Or even be willing to step out of your comfort zone! And that value has to be reciprocating. You can’t pull from a bank account you too are not making deposits in!
Early on in my business journey, I really had no clear picture of whom I was looking for, And as a result, I hired some people who just weren’t the right fit for the direction I knew was best for our organization. Because the picture of the kind of people I needed wasn’t clear to me at that particular time, I allowed others to paint the picture for me. I looked for experience, not proper character. Not to much surprise, others painted their own pictures. Then I discovered that the pictures they painted of themselves had been greatly enhanced. They were like the pics people take and then doctor up with filters — They weren’t authentic, and they didn’t fit into our team. And as we continued to grow as an organization, most likely slower than we could have, the true character of these people came to light, and we had no choice but to make the difficult decision to promote them to another company and move on!
When seeking accountability partners for your leadership, don’t choose people based on what they say they can do or based on what they did once upon a time in a past journey. Choose based on their regular behaviors and character when nobody else is looking. That’s how you know what they really value! Too often our choices are made by what we think we could or should do rather than what we usually do. We are all human, so we should give everyone the benefit of the doubt. But we also need to be realistic – We need to have a picture of what WE are shooting for!
Who on your team do you KNOW isn’t a good fit for where you’re trying to go? Who is it that you know is slowing deteriorating your culture? What and who are holding you back right now from moving from good to greatness? What friends are you choosing to spend your time with that are constantly making withdrawals from your emotional bank account without making deposits back? Over time, these peers are eroding from your values and it might be such a slow erosion, that you don’t even realize it. Most likely though, as you’re reading this, you know who they are.
Remember this, you need to know what and who YOU are looking for. Here is what I have learned over time and I’ll leave you with. Great partnerships make you better than you are. They multiply your values, enable you to do what you do best, allow you to help others do their best, give you more time, and most importantly help you fulfill the desires of your mission! Surround yourself with peers that will inspire, motivate, hold you accountable, and not be afraid to tell you what you NEED to hear, not what you WANT to hear! That is where the true growth in ourselves happens. I can truly say without hesitation that I would not be where I am today if it wasn’t for the incredible people that God has placed in my life over my journey of personal growth and development. As a Christ follower, leader, husband, dad, business owner, friend, mentor, coach… Across ALL areas!
Choose wisely, amigos!